Life 2.0: kid to dad

It’s unwavering eyes were staring at me with intensity. The forehead bore marks of indignation. It’s demeanour revealed nothing but pure antagonism. It’s hands were ready to grasp anything they could with an iron grip. In some places, it was covered in a gooey muck.

Strangely, I was not at all gripped by fright. In fact, the anxiety that had bubbled up inside me was slowly dissolving. A new feeling was pervading - something where words won’t do justice to describe - a melting pot of elation, love, relief, responsibility, anticipation, overwhelm, a mild scare, some positive nervousness and what not. Literally every emotion wrapped up into one moment. That’s because this person was telling me in no uncertain terms, “I’m completely vulnerable, I need you.”

Yes, it was a person, not some monstrous creature! This was a baby, my baby boy...MY SON!

This was the moment that changed everything in a jiffy. Until then, I would always relate to the child when seeing a father-child combo in a book, movie or on TV. But this encounter flipped everything. Now, I’d relate to the dad in such manifestations. This was the moment that changed a son to a father. No amount of preparation, no amount of reading, no counselling can ever do what this moment did.

Historically, I have never been fond of babies as much as I have loved pets. I rarely, if ever, have cuddled anyone’s babies, lifted them or played with them. I have been annoyed at folks posting profile pictures of themselves with babies, or the constant barrage of baby pics and videos on social media.

But now, I am a changed man. I just can’t get it out of my mind. My dreams  - both during the day as well as in slumber - are ‘haunted’ by the kid. Isn’t it strange? My life now revolves around a life form that did not exist a few days. How can I love someone who doesn’t know me so much that I want to give every possible joy to it or risk my life to shield it from any threat? Is this what makes us human? A tiny being, who doesn't speak with me, doesn’t recognize me, doesn’t give me anything, makes me do it’s every chore, is now the cynosure of my eyes.

Like every parent, I wish to realize my dream through him. I want him to be successful. I want him to be good looking with an imposing physique. I want him to excel at everything. The list can be endless. But, most importantly, I want him to be a good person.

Will I be a good dad? I don’t know. It’s scary, it’s overwhelming, it’s exciting. It’s a reboot, a version 2.0, a new phase of life. I tell myself that there are billions of first-time dads out there who have experienced, survived and aced fatherhood. There's no secret method and I am sure, instinctively, I’ll know how to be a good dad.

I’ll try. I promise, I’ll try not to impose my will on him. I’ll try to let him take his own form, through free-will, with just gentle nudges if he goes astray...just like a free flowing river bound by banks.

It’s going to be a thrilling ride and I’ll always be there for him...