The Groom in Waiting

The Groom in Waiting

  Disclaimer: This is a generic point of view in response to numerous posts on fb regarding the feelings of newly wedded girls. Any resemblance to real life is strictly coincidental   :)
       
         Until now, I was always the kid of the house, but with marriage getting fixed, I was overnight catapulted to the status of a grown-up. Marriage has always been perceived as a romantic dream, an aspirational life-event. Movies, books & TV have glorified this union. And in all reality, this is true. You get someone who you can call your own. But this dream comes with its fair share of nightmares.

The world has always sided with the girl, the would-be bride, for her sacrifices, adjustments and the world she forsakes. But it doing so, it has neglected the situation that boys, the grooms-in-waiting, have to face. So much that it’s almost like the entire humanity is prejudiced in its opinion that the boy has nothing to lose and almost overnight he is upgraded to the status of a grown-up responsible individual.
            
          The only child of my parents, I am the one who still needs to cuddle up into the warm hug of his parents after waking up, one who waits as mom gives him a cup of milk, one who keeps asking what’s there for breakfast, one who still waits expectantly for dad to bring him goodies, one who sleeps peacefully leaving all responsibility to them. And suddenly, now I am a grown-up just because marriage is on the cards. Out of nowhere, huge burdens are crushing me. The responsibility of a girl suddenly slaps me in the face.  Until now, the cynosure of everyone’s eyes - pampered by my grandparents, adored by parents & relatives- I am suddenly pitchforked into the world of responsibilities, duties, sacrifices and compromises. To be honest, the one I’d marry will be almost my age- 2 or 3 years here & there. But, straightaway, there are expectations that I’d take care of all her needs, will support her in everything, will understand & protect her, be at her service 24 X 7, gift her, and will take her out for trips & fine dinners. Isn’t it too fast to too soon?
             
           Mine was a small world – a world of 3 people. Suddenly accepting a full-grown new person in my cosy world means adjustment for me too just the way it is for her. So far, I could plan for myself, now she will figure in every single thing I do. I have to think twice before speaking something. I need to carefully choose my words, avoid bad-mouthing my family in front of her. Someone who shares each and everything with parents is now told not to mention this & that. At the same time, the girl has the right to describe every small thing in detail to her parents. The girl has the right to narrate her sorrows and problems and always gets a shoulder to cry upon. But I need to remain strong, can’t show any sign of emotion and can’t even get my parents’ support. In fact, I am expected to care for everyone; no one remembers that even I need a shoulder to cry upon.  The boy is expected to earn. He can’t take risks, take breaks, and pursue dreams because he needs to bring in the financial muscle. The trips, the house, the car, kids’ education, family well-being….the list goes on. Thus, while the girl has two pillars of strength- her parents as well as her husband, the boy ends up losing his while adding one more roof to support.

            
            Yes, I’ll try. Slowly things will fall in place. I’ll manage to get a grasp of things. I’ll definitely care for her and try to make her comfortable. The way my father did it silently, taking the burden of the world upon him, but allowing me to bloom without any trouble. But, things that have been around for 28 years can’t be expected to change overnight. Give me some time. I am not denying the tremendous change and adjustments that the girl has to make. Nor am I denying the role of the wife in supporting the home. People knowing me will always vouch for the tremendous dignity I have for the womenfolk. But, at the same time, I want people to understand our side of the story. It is not just the bride, but also the groom whose life undergoes a sea of change. It’s an all-new exciting world. I have a lovely partner. Let’s not make it daunting!

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